Fuck Fixing Yourself — Learn the Real Secret to Your Freedom
How the self-help industry taught you you're broken—and the shift that sets you free.
Don’t Live the Lie
The Truth
You are not broken. You never were.
But the more you believe you are, the more you’ll chase healing as if your wholeness exists somewhere far away—waiting for you to earn it.
It’s time to burn that lie to the ground.
The problem
There’s a silent epidemic in the personal development world, and no one’s talking about it.
It’s the obsession with fixing ourselves.
Not growing. Not evolving. Not healing. Fixing.
And the message is subtle, but it’s everywhere: “You’re not enough yet, but you could be if you just...
Meditated more
Healed your inner child deeper
Took one more course, hired one more coach, tried one more method
Took the pill, buy the thing, lose the weight…
You’re conditioned to believe your brokenness is a fact. That every low day is a signal you’re backsliding. That your trauma must be dissected before joy is safe. And all that does drives division from the inside and amplifies crippling self-doubt.
This belief didn’t come from nowhere.
It was handed down through generations, systems, industries, and influencers who built empires selling solutions to a problem you never actually had: your worth.
Thanks, Mom…
One day I was bawling my eyes out to my mother. It had been 10 years of post-divorce dating and yet again, here I was facing another incompatible partner with what you would say (less than ideal relationship skills— aka cheating, lying, ghosting, etc.)
I was so f-ing tired of experiencing men like this. I felt like a magnet for dysfunction and I was tired of my heart being stomped to the ground over and over again. The fact is I had gotten really good at noticing the red flags early on, but not so good about cutting these things off before the worst played out. Part of me struggled at the time to tell from my hypervigilant overreactive trauma brain always looking for the same scenario to protect me from verses my intuitive nature (thanks gate 57 in human design) that always predicted the outcome within the first two dates. I wanted to believe I was wrong, but it never played out that way and some how along the way I always felt like I was the one to blame for some way or another.
As I was loathing and trying to frantically make sense of it all my mother said with ‘good’ intention, “Maybe when you fix yourself, you will finally be loved.” WHAT. THE. LITERAL. FUCK. Thanks mom! Aren’t you supposed to be the one person who tells me it’s not me— it’s them?
After my ego took the hard hit and I raised my voice in self-defense, I had one of those breakdown-to-breakthrough epiphanies…
That was the exact problem. I spent 20 decades in therapy and all sorts of messed-up coping mechanisms for getting over childhood trauma and mending the current relapses from betrayal, abandonment, being used, etc. I was trying to ‘fix’ myself so much that I realized in that moment I had never accepted myself, I never showed myself love, understanding or patience, I was constantly reinforcing how ‘broken and defective’ chasing a solution or some method on the outside to become anything but who I was. I was running from myself by always feeling like I needed to become ‘better or perfect’, that I was the one continuing the pattern. I was betraying and abandoning myself. I was disregarding my worth. I was the culprit and the villain of my continual pain.
I was essentially breaking myself into pieces when what I needed was to feel whole.
It was a sick cycle and I am glad my mom wording things that day as she did. Yes, those men did not have strong characters or healthy relationship skills, but I had allowed their treatment because I never felt good enough or lovable deep down. I kept hoping and waiting they would show me I was, but that my friend, is something I needed to do for myself first, and it wasn’t going to happen by constantly believing something was wrong with me.
Have you ever felt this way? Fact is, its more common than we know. Here’s why,
A little science lesson…
Neuroscience supports this internalization. Your Reticular Activating System (RAS)—the brain's filter—prioritizes evidence that matches your beliefs.
Believe you're broken? You’ll subconsciously seek out relationships, content, and patterns that confirm it.
Cognitive distortions—black and white thinking, catastrophizing, mind-reading—are often mistaken for truth. But they’re trauma’s defense mechanisms. And when left unchallenged, they anchor us to the identity of "not enough" slowly eating away and the way we view ourselves, feel about ourselves and believe we deserve (or don’t deserve) in our life and for our future.
Even spiritual practices can reinforce this loop. If you meditate to “get better,” journal to “fix your shadow,” or affirm to “undo your flaws,” you’re still telling your nervous system the same story:
“You are not okay right now.”
Let’s not even get into the world of manifesting and the law of attraction. You don’t see results so you constantly try and look for what you are doing wrong and what you can fix to make it work for you, when in reality doing nothing to fix anything but alleviating the stress you place on the thing would be better on your outcome and wellbeing.
There is a fine line between evolving and growing whilst simultaneously accepting who you are and where you are at versus endless chasing of illusionary ideals that don’t reflect the real you— only what you think you are lacking.
The Shift
But what if you are ok right now, just as you are, perfectly imperfect, in both chaos and order, confusion and clarity, numbness and pure divinity?
What if you were never meant to be perfect—only present?
What if all this effort to fix yourself is actually resistance to accepting the self you’ve always been?
Healing is not a hustle. Growth is not punishment. Spirituality is not a productivity system.
You don’t fix a flower to make it bloom. You create the right conditions for it to reveal what it already contains.
You are not a project. You are a person. You are a soul with nothing to prove.
The truth is this: You’ve outgrown the lie of your brokenness. Now it’s time to remember your wholeness.
The Shift Realized
Imagine living from the truth that you don’t need to be fixed.
You would move differently. Speak differently. Create from a place of peace, not pressure. Love without proving. Rest without guilt.
This is where the SHIFT Spell begins. It’s not a magic trick. It’s a reclamation.
It helps you name a new truth. One that aligns with your real self—not your wounded one. It helps you see that every effort to earn your worth was a cry to be remembered by yourself.
One spell. 21 Days of Interactive Spell Deck activities to EMBODY, ENCHAT and EMANATE the magic of this spell into your life with both childlike whimsy and enchantress power.
Let this be the moment you stop trying to fix who you are and start living like you already are enough. Because you are— you just need to remember.
Play in This Shift
Explore the SHIFT Spell here and begin rewriting the story you never chose.
Stay with me this month—we’re just getting started. Next week, we disrupt the next lie: that doing more is the path to becoming more. (Spoiler: it’s not.). Hallelujah, says us overachievers ;)
Leaving you with a poem and lots of love, you beautiful soul,
xoxo, Mandi
