Enough ‘Enough’ Already: How Embracing Polarity Heals the War Within

When you see yourself as not enough, you live in a world that keeps proving it. Every reflection distorts your truth and keeps you small, and ensures that every perception you hold reinforces a lie.

Poem: Mercy

mercy is a beautiful thing

sharing compassion with clemency

choosing to help relieve someone who is in pain

instead of perpetuating suffering with acts of disdain

to sit with one and hold space during dark times

to provide a listening ear that offers words of kind

seeing injustice and courageously taking a stand

aiding another with a loving helping hand

spreading hope like wildfire to the oppressed

by voicing and honoring truths that need to be said

i find it easy to advocate and show mercy for another's needs

but why can't i ever do the very same for me?

i never before thought i could be so cruel

until i heard how i spoke to myself in terms so brutal

i have believed horrible lies about myself

doubting my own value with self-love withheld

i know i did this in order to survive during that time

but it forged painful feelings and false meanings inside

i then learned not trust the world or believe i have any worth

even though all living things have value and purpose here on earth

i now vow to learn how to show myself love and tenderness

to treat my very being with more compassion and kindness

to cease hurting myself repetitively beyond measure

and understand i am enough as i am even when i feel lesser

i choose to spend my time in more thoughtful moments of mercy

so i may finally know what it is like to feel valued and worthy

That Harsh Comment That Still Echoes in Your Bones:

“You are f-ing DISGUSTING!”

Although this 13-year-old peer on my bus didn’t say those exact words, that is what my childhood sexually traumatized self inherited.  We had gotten into a discussion on the bus about a book we were reading, where there was molestation involved.  This well-meaning peer thought it was wise to go off on a tangent about how perverse this was, but she didn’t focus on the abuser being disgusting; she focused on the victim and how it was so wrong to get ‘pleasure’ from a violation act— as if the body could just biologically not respond to the stimuli.  

Regardless of what that peer and I didn’t realize about sexual trauma at the time, I suddenly reinforced in myself a defective identity that had been brewing for years.  I had literally fragmented myself and put ‘those parts’ on exile, thus creating the infamous war within.  My entire sense of existing became a jaded dance of allowing myself to feel like a good human being and enjoy life followed by a harsh punishment of self-hatred, betrayal, and abandonment.  I could never resolve this inner war and so I stepped ‘out’ and sought proof form my ‘goodness’ elsewhere.

I carried this identity for years as a protective badge of honor in may ways. I was so afraid to let it go because I believed if I punished or hated her enough, it would erase my past and I could get my innocence and purity back.

Maybe your experience is similar or vastly different, but I can guess you know exactly how this feels. But what if healing isn’t about choosing one side or killing the “wrong” part of you? What if your freedom is found in embracing all of you—both light and shadow?

What We Fail to See

Achievements, good deeds, perfect scores, single-digit pants sizes, etc. became signposts that I was ‘ok’ and not ‘disgusting’.   I didn’t realize it at the time, in fact, it took many years of therapy to uncover it, but I was disowning any side of me that reminded me of that event.  The problem is, my entire whole being experienced it, and yet I was convinced I could rid of it by compartmentalizing my soul.

We live in a world that shouts, “Kill the ego.  Feed the right wolf.  Act as if the person you want to become!” 

All fake. 

All misinterpreted. 

All just ways to continue to show self-hate.

The ego isn’t something to kill.  What we mean is we don’t want to be a part of the ‘primal’ unevolved needs the ego calls for to fill the wounds we still carry. 

There is no right wolf within us, they all need to exist in oneness.  What we mean is that we don’t want to repeat our inner critic’s dialogue, past unwanted pain and outdated narratives.  But we don’t do this by first starving it because that only signals danger.  We acknowledge that wolf and what it was trying to do and ask it now what it needs instead to transform her point of view. 

Act as if the person you want to become.  We don’t act, we align.  We remember who we really are— pure, innocent, whole, and we align our actions, truth, and emotions to that, not something we think we need to force or fake to fill the wounds deep inside of us.  In truth these age-old adages are true, but to a person who has experienced rejection, betrayal, abuse, and abandonment, they only signify more evidence of defectiveness to a wounded self.

They simply become yet another message that says: “You’re not enough as you are.” So we fragment ourselves. We exile the parts of us that carry shame. We build a war within. Achievements, good deeds, perfect scores, and single-digit pant sizes become signposts of “goodness.” But inside, a quiet voice always whispers: “You are not enough.”

So, how do we find a way out of this inner ‘mess’? We don’t— we step farther into it.

Gathering Up the Shattered Pieces:

There is a peace that can be found deep in our polarity.  The law of polarity states that everything in the universe exists in duality, but they are not opposing factors in conflict; they are merely different aspects of the same thing.  They are interdependent on one another, therefore creating a dynamic interaction with the way we process life, and this duality is eventually meant to bring us into neutrality and experience inner unity.  

To know darkness, one will learn light.  To know light, one must recognize darkness.  To do both sides with neutrality (no harsh judgement) allows for eventual acceptance, surrender, and harmony, mending the fragmented pieces into the whole soul we actually are.

My entire sense of existing became a jaded dance of allowing myself to feel like a good human being—only to be followed by a harsh punishment of self-hatred, betrayal, and abandonment.

I couldn’t resolve this inner war, so I stepped “out” and sought proof of my “goodness” elsewhere. I was disowning the very parts of me that needed healing most.

The truth is:

• You don’t need to ‘kill’ any part of you— only love all of you

• You don’t need to ‘starve’ any part of you— only care for all of you in just the way you need

• You don’t need to ‘act as anything else besides yourself,’ or you reinforce the split—only shedding of what covers all of you from being.

We don’t get these truths growing up, and we certainly don’t get them on social media, keeping up with the Joneses, or chasing our worth through the lens of our wounds.  

What I needed wasn’t a new identity—it was radical acceptance of every part of me, even the ones I’d exiled in shame— and for you it is the same.

Where to Find the Truth, Not the Reinforcers

For me, I wanted my innocence back.  I wanted to be pure, perfectly untainted, and at peace.  I couldn’t get that.  I couldn’t change the past.  I couldn’t rewrite my history.  So I learned (along side my 47.5 sun and jupiter in human design) to harvest light from darkness.  To transmute pain into purpose and wisdom.  To use my lessons to help the collective. 

What I struggled with (and still do at times) is allowing lightness without the darkness. My scale was skewed.  Deep down, I still struggle with simply ‘receiving’ all that is good and light because in my mind it always comes with darkness, defeat, destruction and defectiveness. 

But as I learn to open up to the other polarity, I can fully integrate the parts of me.  I can see that it is the same lesson coming from different angles, interdependent on one another.  I can see that their harmonious relationship is exactly what the inner parts of me need. 

Acceptance, non-judgment, love in either expression of the polarity.  That is the neutrality that harvests inner unity.  That is true self-worth.  Knowing, in any moment (light or dark), in any situation (good or bad), with any cast projections (pure or disgusting), you are worthy as is. 

Neuroscience shows that when we exile parts of ourselves, our Reticular Activating System (RAS) filters our reality through the lens of deficiency. Our nervous system stays on high alert—always seeking proof that we are “broken,” “disgusting,” or “unworthy.”

Even the above-mentioned well-meaning advice can deepen the split:

• Kill the ego? The nervous system reads that as danger, perpetuating self-rejection.

• Feed the right wolf? The “wrong” wolf grows hungrier from neglect— and eventually bites.

• Act as if? Feels fake, forced, and even more disconnected. When we treat our fragmented parts as enemies, we perpetuate the war within.

Challenging Your View

Here’s the radical truth: There is no war within you—only parts of you that have been silenced, starved, or exiled.

The law of polarity teaches us that light and dark are not enemies; they are complementary, interdependent. They are not meant to be chosen between—but integrated.

Healing isn’t about killing your ego—it’s about asking it what it needs to transform. It’s not about feeding only the “right” wolf—it’s about feeding all parts of you with love, so none are starved or abandoned. It’s not about acting as if—it’s about aligning your actions with who you truly are.

That’s how we reclaim wholeness. That’s how we become free. Because in the end, it’s the same lesson: the light and the dark are one. Together, they are the medicine, not the enemy.

The Possibility That Unravels Ahead

Imagine living from a place of worth that cannot be shaken, because it’s rooted in the acceptance of all that you are. Imagine seeing your worthiness not as a destination but as the soil of your very being. Imagine no longer chasing your worth, but simply being it, believing it— breathing it.

This is what we do in the WORTH Mini-Course + Quest: You are guided through a mini-course with digestible, soul-stirring, insightful lessons that help you honor your truth, banish what blocks you from seeing your own worth, conjure what will build authentic value and accurate self-perception of your own innate value. The entire process is guided by a whimsical 21-day interactive quest so you can embody this change in less than a month’s time, complete with bonus somatic, neurolinguistic programming, and hypnotherapy practices and surprise bonuses along the way.

A great way to start identifying with the truth of your worth is to discover your ‘inner ruler’, [take the free alchemy archetype quiz here]. The top archetypes that know how to embody their worth fully are demonstrated through the Mystic’s wisdom, the Spellbinder’s transformation, and the Shadowwalker’s courage. Step into the wholeness that’s always been yours.

Embodying her worthy identity helps you remember yours.

If you’re ready to end the war within and embrace the full spectrum of who you are, join me inside. And if you’re just starting out playing with shifting your view of yourself, the SHIFT Spell is here to guide you through your first steps into your worth.

Three Things You Can Do to Start This Journey Today:

1. Pause and Listen:
   Take five minutes today to sit in stillness. Ask yourself: “Which parts of me have I been exiling in shame or judgment?” Write them down without trying to fix them—just witness them.

2. Affirm Your Wholeness:
   Choose one small statement of worthiness to repeat throughout the day—like “I am already whole” or “I am enough as I am.” Let it become a gentle reminder every time self-doubt arises.

3. Feed All Wolves with Love:
   When the inner critic shows up, ask it: “What do you need right now to feel safe?” Instead of banishing it, offer it compassion. This is how you begin to integrate, not divide.

Soulful Discovery

Reflection: What parts of yourself have you been taught to exile—and how can you begin to welcome them home today?

Remember: Every small step you take towards embracing all parts of yourself is a victory. You don’t have to do it alone—this journey is for you, and the world is waiting for the light only you can bring.

I am asking you to embrace all parts of you.  Make amends with the pieces you have rejected and welcome them unconditionally, like you always wanted someone else to do.  This is how you live your worth.

When you do, you allow the real, unfiltered, unconditioned, pure you to shine through.

And that, my love, is the exact kind of light we all need.

Until next time with much reverence in honor of your worth,

— m