You will keep reaching for the same quick fix, and feeling worse about yourself afterward, until you see the unmet need it's trying to soothe.
In this episode of ONE | Shift, Mandi Lynne reframes the shame cycle as the neglected needs cycle: an unmet need is triggered, a painful belief about yourself follows, and you reach for the quickest thing that brings relief. Mandi shares how mint chocolate chip ice cream, wine, and even an eating disorder were once her way of soothing a need she couldn't yet name.
She walks through how to catch the loop sooner, build a backup list of healthier ways to soothe, and choose a more compassionate treatment of yourself in the moment you're triggered. Because you usually can't prevent the trigger, but you can change what you do with it.
You'll learn:
Why the shame cycle is really a neglected needs cycle, and why you aren't the problem
The difference between your immediate coping mechanism and your distant one
How to build a backup list of soothing techniques so you stop defaulting to what's familiar
Three questions to ask the moment you're triggered
Key Insight: "We cannot prevent the trigger most often, but you can choose the treatment of yourself during the trigger."
Because the sooner you notice the loop, the sooner you can meet the need underneath it with kindness instead of shame.
This is your call to get curious, not critical, about the habits you've been judging yourself for. Discover your first shift at mandilynne.com
This episode is Week 5 of the free, 16-week School of Self — join us inside The Commons to go through it live.
Resources: If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or has survived it, support is available:
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24/7, or chat at online.rainn.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788, 24/7
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (for survivors of any age): 1-800-422-4453
National Alliance for Eating Disorders Helpline: 1-866-662-1235
SAMHSA National Helpline (substance use and mental health): 1-800-662-4357, free, 24/7
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 For a deeper dive on eating disorders and sexual abuse recovery, explore the One Life Living Library.